Four Weeks

Last night.

hmm...

what has been four weeks,
sorrow, tears, a few screams, but mostly laughter and happiness.

it has been a blast! and I cant seem to hold a thought in my head unless its about our next meeting, which i know for certain will have just as many laughs, if not more.

Think Different

one of my all-time favorite quotes:

"Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes.

The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.

About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward.

Maybe they have to be crazy.

How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?

While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."


- Apple.

A Beauty, A Brightness

A starlit sky
a windswept night
you're sitting so silent, yet so loud,
you're doing what you love, with who you love.

a blank white knaves,
a work of art,
a flame-lit torch,
the gentle light of a flame
gracing your face,
exposing magical, majestic, magnificent eyes,
exposing true beauty,
beauty that escapes reason, escapes thought, escapes everything,
beauty in you,
beauty with you,
beauty that is you.

even in times of turmoil,
even in times of anger
you shine ever so bright

a brightness from within
a brightness that lights my world
a brightness that exposes down to the core
down to the cornerstone, the foundation, whats right and true,

and if i know anything,
it's that what is right and true,
is me and you.

I can only lead you to water.

When a certain someone so dear, so true, so close to you. When they have broken down their walls, unlocked their gates, pushed anything and everything that would keep someone away to try and protect themselves, let's you in. When they let you in to their own little world they call their soul. When they break down the walls, but when they resurrect those very walls, you're first action is to grab your own pick axe and hammer to try and break in. But is that the best? Is it what's truly needed?

...yes and no.

Yes it can be helpful to forceivly pry into them, to demand them open the gate to prevent damage to their little world.

No, it can be harmful. People run at their own speed, their own pace. They need time to understand themselves in order to be able to help you understand them.

I can only lead you to water, I can't make you drink.

Invincible you...

There's nothing to fear --- you're as good as the best,
As strong as the mightiest, too.
You can win in every battle or test;
For there's no one just like you.
There's only one you in the world today;
So nobody else, you see,
Can do your work in as fine a way:
You're the only you there'll be !
So face the world, and all life is yours
To conquer and love and live:
And you'll find the happiness that endures
In just the measure you give;
There's nothing too good for you to possess,
Nor heights where you cannot go:
Your power is more than belief or guess --- 
It is something you have to know.
There is nothing to fear --- you can and you will.
For you are the invincible you.
Set your foot on the highest hill --- 
There's nothing you cannot do.

Lifes a game if inches...

When the day is done and all that s said is said, what are those lasting things left undsaid, or rather, not said out loud.
Those lasting little tid bits that keep you tossing and turning in your bed, or in my case, your couch. Those things left unsaid that keep you at a distance when alls it would take is for me to roll over and reach some five feet to hold you.
Those things that- that maybe aren't left unsaid but maybe need more time
in the brain for you to stumble over, try to create an answer to, but the only thing left is that you're in love and those five feet, and that coffee table seperating us is way way too much, you need to be close enough to feel my heart beating, to see into the vast ocean we call eyes.

So alls that is left undsaid... I love you... Maybe?

...but I say it sooo many times?

Maybe their isn't enough ticks in the clock to ever let me begin to discribe my longing for you. My love.

will fallow, will be there.

what is it in someone that will do something so dramatic to you. something so dramatic it makes you, not feel as though you need to or feel obligated, but it makes you crave to be with them. A craving so bad that it doesn't matter where that person goes, that you know you'll fallow them no matter the expense. No matter the miles.

Miles, distance. Time, hours.

six hours...
whether it be 357, 310, or 307 miles...

im never sure what exactly this distance is to us...

at one point i thought "is it a curtain that is shielding us from what we are not yet ready to see?"
then at another time i saw it as a test that we had to get through.

but now, what exactly is it?
i know its not a curtain because im not afraid of what ever is said or done, i believe that what ever said or done we can work through and become better people as a result.
and a test?
yes maybe, but what exactly is it testing?
love? faith? devotion?
...we already posses all those.

is it a different sort of test though...
a test to see that we can make it through what ever, maybe because there is more in store?
or maybe not more, in a bad way, but in a way where no matter what other say or do, it only takes one question and look in the eye to determine what truly happened.

maybe its something preparing us, not a test but a lesson.
preparing us for a life of wonder, a life full of surprises and joy with one another.

maybe its just how things are?

i dont know, but one thing i do know is my love, and true devotion.

hah... just imagine, twenty, thirty, forty years from now we'll here someone complain about a hour trip to see some one, and we just turn and look into each others eyes, and smile.

...about people?

why is it!
some one please!

when the day was new, i headed out to try and ease my mind,
but all there was, was rain, lost somewhere on the edge of town,
or somewhere- lost in my own my mind,
and after a few yearning hours to try and settle it i headed to what i called my home
only to find that my only hope of a home had vanished gone,
like footprints on the beach,
where they remain, waiting, lingering, for the waves to slowly erode away any trace of their mere existence.

there i sat, beside myself, in a state of disbelief,
thinking, pondering, trying to gather the slightest grasp of why…
of why! oh why?!
h- …how…?

then, letting my mind take its natural course, i began to see the path my brain, my heart, my soul, took to maybe ease itself? or maybe to gain understanding, knowledge, wisdom? or maybe the sum of all these things and more- more that i have yet to understand.

so i sat and i thought:
family, why is it that they can just play with you!
why is it that they can just toy with your life!
someone please! why is it they promise safety and refuge and once they know you rely on them, and have no other means of safety and protection, once they know you have no where else to go, they rip that promise of safety and refuge from underneath you like a table cloth from a table.

i many of time sit, and i wonder, sometimes in awe, sometimes in woe, and many of times i can't conceive, i cannot formulate a single thing, i then ask myself- i ask myself questions, questions that have no right or wrong, no best, no worst.
at that moment, something comes over me, floods me with sadness, desperation, hope, remorse…

i feel so bad, so- so lost, when all i feel like doing is crying but the tears wont flow,
is it so bad that my tears have even picked up and walked out on me?
well at least they had the decency not to promise me anything and not to toy with me and give me wonderful thoughts of a brighter tomorrow and then shatter it, shatter it like that crystal vase on that table the cloth was pulled from.

what is it in people that- what is it about people that- that make them want, make them enjoy, makes then crave to build some one up and promise a million promises just to push the the very foundation they built from underneath them to watch the people crumble, watch them slam their bodies, their souls, onto the cold hard bottom, the cold hard ground.

maybe thats the problem -- promises -- maybe thats the problem,
we let people in that give us hope of a bright future,
but maybe- just maybe thats where the test is,
the test if we'll remain strong?
when their is no one left, no thing, no thought, nor conceived notion of hope, of even wanting to wake up in the morning, of just wanting to lie away in slumber for the rest of your years.
but maybe- yes just maybe thats when we need to keep the hope, when we need to fight, and claw with your fingernails into the light, into the hope, and let only those in who are pure and true in.. only those who guarantee trust…

but how do we pick and choose when you've got no where to go, no where to protect you from the mighty storm when you cant even rely on family, how do we know, when the people who brought you into the very world, thats eating away at you, push you into it, they feed the flame that is burning down your walls.

but just maybe, when the final chard remains of your wall comes tumbling down to that cold hard ground, that- thats when the pure and true one comes, he comes and clears the chard remains of those vary walls, and it kills you, it enrages you to see this person, this stranger, just walk in and clear it away, as if it were garbage that belonged on the curb, to wait for someone to collect it all up and pile it all up to rot, to fade to nothingness.
but when their is nothing left of those walls, is when he brings out his bricks, and his mortar, and he builds a new wall, an even greater wall, but this wall is different, this wall- this wall has a entrance, but that entrance, that gate doesn't allow just anyone in, its up to you who gets in, and if the wrong and the corrupt ones are let in, they will bring a fire and flame to your wall, only to be reduced to ash once more.

but how do we know the strong and true ones?
how can we test them, when we need them now, and have no where left to turn,
maybe we need to learn to see, to see through to the soul,
what is pure and good and is incapable of lying.

so when the day is new, fight, and don't give in and let those who deceit, who lie, who gain your trust just to break you down win!
fight with everything you have, for the brighter, truer tomorrow.
fight so you can see those people when the tables have been turned in your favor, when the shoe is on the other foot.
when, what is true and right is done.
...what is true and right.

The... Oh so elusive "right thing"

The right thing- what is this so- so elusive thing we call, "the right thing"

is it doing whats best for you?
is it doing whats best for others?
whats best for greatest amount of people?
is it doing- or rather, is it giving, watching, learning, inspiring, hurting, suffering…
is it what brings a tear to your eye and a smile to your heart?
is it doing something that no matter how much the person may dispose you for it or the amount of people who want you away, dead, out of their lives think, knowing - hoping and praying - that what you did is the best thing for them, you saved countless tears, sleepless nights, sorrow-filled days, time spent yearning in hours of mind bending thought that otherwise they would just have arrived at some answer not because its the right answer or correct answer but because it is an answer, because you're tired, you want to go and see the "sunnier tomorrow."
but what if that sunnier tomorrow is in the eyes, the heart and soul of someone else?
that your tears and seemingly unanswered cries for help are the answers to someones long, tired, fight and struggle to cling on to something they're told is right and true, to cling on to a hope.

so is doing the "right thing" the thing that brings you the most pain and sorrow filled and tear stained hours, just knowing that you've bent the break in the clouds for that someone else?
or is it even for us to know?
is it the thought, or something to keep us striving to do this elusive "right thing."

Asking... How much is too much?

how much is too much to ask…?
is it too much to ask for a place to stay when you have none?
is it too much to ask for a few dollars when you have none?
a few cents?
is too much to ask for piece of mind?
some uplifting words when that charlie brown rain cloud is over head..
when you have no where left to turn, where every turn is as bleak and as desolate as the last, where nothing seems worth it -- and those things to make it seem worth it now, you know deep down are not, you know its just those teasing lips telling their deceitful lies, their false promises of painless life, of joy, of happiness, of- of knowing.
but you are led on by something greater then those lying lips, and you are told by something deep down, it will only cause more pain and anguish for you in the long run, and for that unseen passer buyer, those people you effect just by doing what it is you do, by gracing them with your mere presence - no matter however short - it gives them the thought that if your role model, your inspiration, your light at the end of the tune, has gone belly up, that if he turned to these things for help, why shouldn't i?
why shouldn't i give up and let those things into my life? he did it.

That little something deep down, it isn't loud, and never seems to be their when called on, and is never there the moment you want him, but he will be there, he will not fault, he will come, though he may tarry at moments, he will come, he will not fail. and just that, just knowing that the storm had a beginning, so it must have an end, and although the wind and the rain, the thunder and the lightning; these things may obscure your view of the horizon, but know, understanding, will be yours, peace of mind will be yours, although it may delay, it may loiter, it may tarry, it shall not fail, it will come.

is that the moment we discover, when all we have is to trust, to believe, to have faith, conviction, to know that whatever you do or say, wherever you wonder, he'll be there to bring you back…
how? how is it that he can snap his fingers and you're back, you're fine, almost as if you never endured it?
is it for us to know?
or is it for us to trust- believe, and not to question?

is that the moment we discover, when we see that all streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full.
That to the place the streams come from, the stream will return once again.

so, how much is too much to ask?
is it too much to ask for a piece of charity?
is it too much to ask- is it too much to ask?