...about people?

why is it!
some one please!

when the day was new, i headed out to try and ease my mind,
but all there was, was rain, lost somewhere on the edge of town,
or somewhere- lost in my own my mind,
and after a few yearning hours to try and settle it i headed to what i called my home
only to find that my only hope of a home had vanished gone,
like footprints on the beach,
where they remain, waiting, lingering, for the waves to slowly erode away any trace of their mere existence.

there i sat, beside myself, in a state of disbelief,
thinking, pondering, trying to gather the slightest grasp of why…
of why! oh why?!
h- …how…?

then, letting my mind take its natural course, i began to see the path my brain, my heart, my soul, took to maybe ease itself? or maybe to gain understanding, knowledge, wisdom? or maybe the sum of all these things and more- more that i have yet to understand.

so i sat and i thought:
family, why is it that they can just play with you!
why is it that they can just toy with your life!
someone please! why is it they promise safety and refuge and once they know you rely on them, and have no other means of safety and protection, once they know you have no where else to go, they rip that promise of safety and refuge from underneath you like a table cloth from a table.

i many of time sit, and i wonder, sometimes in awe, sometimes in woe, and many of times i can't conceive, i cannot formulate a single thing, i then ask myself- i ask myself questions, questions that have no right or wrong, no best, no worst.
at that moment, something comes over me, floods me with sadness, desperation, hope, remorse…

i feel so bad, so- so lost, when all i feel like doing is crying but the tears wont flow,
is it so bad that my tears have even picked up and walked out on me?
well at least they had the decency not to promise me anything and not to toy with me and give me wonderful thoughts of a brighter tomorrow and then shatter it, shatter it like that crystal vase on that table the cloth was pulled from.

what is it in people that- what is it about people that- that make them want, make them enjoy, makes then crave to build some one up and promise a million promises just to push the the very foundation they built from underneath them to watch the people crumble, watch them slam their bodies, their souls, onto the cold hard bottom, the cold hard ground.

maybe thats the problem -- promises -- maybe thats the problem,
we let people in that give us hope of a bright future,
but maybe- just maybe thats where the test is,
the test if we'll remain strong?
when their is no one left, no thing, no thought, nor conceived notion of hope, of even wanting to wake up in the morning, of just wanting to lie away in slumber for the rest of your years.
but maybe- yes just maybe thats when we need to keep the hope, when we need to fight, and claw with your fingernails into the light, into the hope, and let only those in who are pure and true in.. only those who guarantee trust…

but how do we pick and choose when you've got no where to go, no where to protect you from the mighty storm when you cant even rely on family, how do we know, when the people who brought you into the very world, thats eating away at you, push you into it, they feed the flame that is burning down your walls.

but just maybe, when the final chard remains of your wall comes tumbling down to that cold hard ground, that- thats when the pure and true one comes, he comes and clears the chard remains of those vary walls, and it kills you, it enrages you to see this person, this stranger, just walk in and clear it away, as if it were garbage that belonged on the curb, to wait for someone to collect it all up and pile it all up to rot, to fade to nothingness.
but when their is nothing left of those walls, is when he brings out his bricks, and his mortar, and he builds a new wall, an even greater wall, but this wall is different, this wall- this wall has a entrance, but that entrance, that gate doesn't allow just anyone in, its up to you who gets in, and if the wrong and the corrupt ones are let in, they will bring a fire and flame to your wall, only to be reduced to ash once more.

but how do we know the strong and true ones?
how can we test them, when we need them now, and have no where left to turn,
maybe we need to learn to see, to see through to the soul,
what is pure and good and is incapable of lying.

so when the day is new, fight, and don't give in and let those who deceit, who lie, who gain your trust just to break you down win!
fight with everything you have, for the brighter, truer tomorrow.
fight so you can see those people when the tables have been turned in your favor, when the shoe is on the other foot.
when, what is true and right is done.
...what is true and right.